червяк (Chervyak)-Don’t let Weaknesses Worm into Mental Healing
Fight to do what isn’t easy.
червяк (chervyak) is a Russian word that means: Worm
I was a happy child. No seriously, what a vague way of starting eh? I have a younger brother and we were up to all kinds of things. Legos, play mobile, Barbies, stuff outside, the works. No iPhones or iPads, no nothing. Gosh that dates me a bit because there was no such thing when I was growing up! But I really had a hard time when I started to go to school.
When my school career started a 150 million years ago, it was really hard for me to read and understand the letters’ meaning. I mean who cares when there are so many other things to do right? Though I am very grateful now that I am literate and care.
I remember sitting at a huge kidney bean shaped table as a first grader with a “Sam the Worm” kid book. It was maybe 6–8 pages long with 4 words per page max. My teacher would go around the table from student to student pointing at just one word for us to read at a time. Though it was one word, it still took me a minute and it always seemed like it was always my turn. I wanted it over as fast as possible so I could go play with the big blocks!
As I moved into the second grade I was tagged as being somewhat of a slower reader. They were going to sign me up for a special class and had my ticket ready to go until my mom stepped in saying she would work with me. Because of that I wouldn’t have to be separated from other kids. I would still go to class with them and have my mom’s extra help on the side. I remember big plastic bags of little kid books coming home with me. My mom and I would sit down and we read aloud every single one of those books. I think my mom framed the first book I read by myself… Something with a Deer by a creek or something or other. I have been very grateful for my mom for spending that extra time with me helping me learn to read.
To this day, I still struggle with reading. I try my very best and constantly look for things that I can enjoy but it’s hard to focus. I would rather have someone read the book for me and describe it to me. I had a roommate in college who would do this. She told me everything that she read in great detail. Then I would turn around and spit out of the facts to someone else. Made me sound really smart. Thank you, roommate, for your brilliance! You know who you are.
You are probably wondering why I am writing about this, when I said that I would be talking more about mental illness. Reading for me is a weakness. It has always been something that I have felt that separates me from other people. Mental illness messes with how you think about yourself. It preys on what you find is wrong or different with you. However, your weaknesses don’t have to hold you back. But you have to be willing to put in the extra effort to overcome those weaknesses. Like my mom sitting me down and working with me through the letters and sounds.
Mom wasn’t going to let me fail even though reading isn’t my strong suit, I don’t have to fail. I just have to apply myself and move along no matter how much extra effort it might require from my end. Being older, I realize the lies (they still bounce around here and there in my skull) of “you’re stupid and you can’t keep up” are just that… LIES!
Moral of the story is mental illness is deceptive. It can pin point what you are self-conscious about and paint it red as an easy target. Let me tell you, “ain’t nobody got time for that!” The troubles that I have with reading have never gone away, but I just have to think to myself “I have a brain that still has the ability to choose to do its best and not quit.” Negative thoughts feed on what you find wrong with you! They feed the darkness within! (Insert dramatic sounds here)
BONUS STORY: Tragic Monopoly
I grew up with basically three brothers, I am number two in our lineup. We are always playing and remain close to this day. My elder, age seven, and me at a tender age of six, loved to play Monopoly growing up. Due to the lack of my reading ability, he would have to read all my cards for me. I would always get so frustrated because he would win every time! I was a glutton for punishment game after game! Now that I think about it, I don’t know why I loved playing that game so much…
There is now a YouTube channel for Mental Health Naps — Click 5. червяк (Chervyak)- Don’t let Weaknesses Worm into Mental Healing to watch!
Thank you so much for reading and for your support as I tell my story! Please recommend or feel free to leave comments! Thank you so much again!
