ALPAS- Break free from Mental Darkness
Break from the old and embrace the new.
There is a word that I think describes what I am going to be talking about and that is ‘Alpas’ is a Tagalog word that means:
“To become free, to break free.”
For the first time in my life, I feel well, healthy and strong. I feel freer in my head as the burden has been lifted and “at last I see the light”! Thank you Disney for making Tangled. This freedom from being trapped in my mind, stuck in vicious cycles of anxiety and depression is something that I have never felt before.
This precious freedom has come at a price. I have battled anxiety with pockets of depression that intensified as I aged. I learned from a young age how to survive and overcompensate to cope and balance other problems. Problems like dyslexia, body issues, self-limiting beliefs, confidence and others. Yet, when it comes to problems of the mind, bring it. I’ve had the whole 9 yards man! What’s another yard, eh?
There are a lot of topics I wish to touch on. When it comes to mental health, everything that makes up the person is affected with whatever disorder or a down day you have. I have a lot of different stories that when stacked together in my head are a little hard to digest.
The point of me writing about it isn’t for pity or for a “there, there” and a pat on the shoulder. The stories will be from all different points in my life that built up to figuring out what was wreaking chaos with everything.
We believe that when the sleep apnea started, is when the spiraling began. This is my story of how I became free and how I broke away to become the me I am today.
As I went through my teen years, there are a lot of foreshadowing moments. As I served a full time mission, there were many life defining moments. Then after my mission, there are a lot of healing moments.
I am writing my experiences, lessons, observations and feelings. Though I do promise to keep the mushiness to a minimum!
I write to help sort myself out. I hope that I can become someone others can trust to understand what they are going through. I totes get it.
Life is not perfect. NEWS FLASH! We all have hopes of what we want to achieve. Some hit above the mark, some hit bulls eye and unfortunately some hit below the mark.
I’ve felt that I have hit below the mark many times, feeling trapped in a cage fighting for peace as I jumped from one trouble to the next with no relief. When observing some peeps around me, I feel like I have deer in the headlights moments and think to myself, “Gosh I am so behind! Kids my age are graduated, starting careers and have families.”
As others have been working for their dreams of home, family and career. I have been fighting for my dream of freedom.
Though some people my age are light years ahead of me or as it would seem to me. I have learned to be happy; finding joy in the little things. I have made it to a good spot! Freaking finally! I have come to terms that “That is okay with. My speed is my speed. Nobody else’s speed matters. It is not a race and my life can come together still.” It is never too late if you feel that way.
I’m content moving forward at my pace because now I can! Everything else is caged instead of me. I can play catch up in life and I am okay with that because it feels GOOD. I would rather have this frame of mind now than continue with thinking “what is wrong with me? Why can’t I snap out of this nightmare?” When it comes to mental illness, I am a strong believer in “aplas”. You can break free and be the real you. You can become free to live the life you want to.
Watch the Companion YouTube Episode for this Article at 2. ALPAS — Break free from Mental Darkness (And at least I see the light!)