GUILT — Never Let ANYONE Make You Feel Guilty About Who You Are

‘Guilt’ is a word known way before the 12th century and comes from an Old English word “gylt”. It is defined if used as a noun or as a verb:

NOUN:

“Feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses of from a sense of inadequacy”

VERB:

“To persuade (someone) to do something by causing feelings of guilt”

I have so much to say about this one, it is hard to know where to even start. Maybe saying this right off the bat is best…

NEVER say SORRY for who you are or what you HAVE to do to stay healthy!

It is interesting to me how much people use the word sorry on an everyday basis. To be honest, it drives me nuts. It’s thrown around in conversation as sometimes someone says it when they make a statement about themselves or about how they are feeling. Now I am not completely guilt free from this either as I used to do it. Different statements I would say would include the following:

“Sorry, I don’t want to go because I’m not feeling up to it.”

“You know what, I’m exhausted. It was a long day. Sorry.”

So many times, in my life, after I say one of these two lines above, the person I’ve said it too would respond with the following lines: (Mind you, it could be about anything from going somewhere like a party or about being a wingman to the grocery store.)

“Please, it would mean a lot to me.”

“But, it will be so much fun!”

“Please, I don’t want to go alone. (Insert Pouty Lip Here)

Now I do acknowledge that sometimes we need a little push to get out the door. (Us extroverted introverts do require some assistance from time to time.) But there is an appropriate time to push and then an appropriate time to stop pushing. I put enough guilt on myself for protecting myself because I don’t want to be seen as rude or boring. Then to have someone come out and say it, just creates even more guilt that I don’t even know how to handle. To be honest, it just adds to the guilt I already have, which pushes me further into the arms of depression. Statements like these don’t allow a person struggling from mental illness a way to “win” in the friendship/relationship or not to feel guilty about putting themselves first, which is imperative for getting depression under control and to a livable level of functionality.

Learning about how my depression works is important so that I can live a happy and balanced life and it does take daily sacrifice. Because this is my reality, there are simply going to be people who accept that and support me no matter what or the people who roll their eyes and shrug me away because “I’m too dark or too boring.” Such things really hurt someone who is struggling with a mental illness like depression.

Now I am not saying that you must live your life catering to your depression. That is not what I am saying at all. What I am saying is: stop feeling guilty about doing things to keep you mentally healthy and to keep depression at arm’s length. Don’t let anyone infringe on your “selfcare” because at the end of the party, they get to go home and sleep; whereas you are left to deal with a mind reset and because you fell into the dark hole of depression. One of the biggest ways I balance this is through routines. It gives me structure and is solely focused on me decompressing and helping my mind to calm down.

For me, at the end of the day, I have a whole routine set up to help me decompress so that I can get up the next morning, face the day, and complete all my tasks. I must have this time to function because the sleep apnea and balancing good mental health takes a lot out of me. The jump off the cliff into the oblivion of depression and anxiety is much easier and some days the temptation to do so is overwhelming. Because I know this about myself (after years of paying attention to how depression and anxiety work in me and learning my triggers), when people come along challenging it, there are little misunderstandings because some take it as a personal rejection. When it in all reality has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. However, the word “sorry” is uttered, so of course they might be led to think that my refusal has something to do with them.

Give yourself permission to say no. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to put your health (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.) first.

Once you give yourself permission, watch the guilt you put on yourself slowly melt away like the evil wicked witch of the west that it is. Watch yourself be able to stand up for your needs against others and let their words just roll off your back because you know what is best for you to be the best you.